Friday, May 23, 2008

T-Minus 4 Days

It's hard to believe that we only have 4 more days until activation day.

I've been reflecting a lot on these past 16 months with Christian. It's amazing to think that these 16 months with him have gone by so incredibly fast. We have had SO much to deal with, just as new parents. The first couple of months were the hardest. I remember feeling angry at other parents who would complain about their children having food allergies, or nap problems, or their baby wouldn't want to be put down. I remember thinking to myself "God, if that is ALL I had to deal with, I would be forever grateful". I remember wondering how it would be to be a Mommy to a "typically hearing" baby. I remember being jealous of other friends who didn't spend their weeks traveling from specialist to specialist for their kid. I would think to myself "Why can't life be like that for me?". I would detest hearing about which music class this family goes to, and how many words this little child speaks. I would hear other Moms fret about their child waking up to the sound of the mail being dropped in their mail slot thinking "AT LEAST HE CAN HEAR!". I remember countless nights of falling asleep crying, praying, and asking God "Why Us God, WHY?". I lived under a cloud of doubt and self-pity. I have no doubt in my mind that I definitely was depressed. Above all, I was angry.

And then, I woke-up one day, and literally, I felt brighter.

I realized that Christian would be fine. We would be fine. His laugh became my medicine, and I learned to take each day as a new adventure. And I know that I've said this time and time again, but once I learned to not let his hearing loss define who he is, I also learned to not let it define who I am either. I let go of the anger. And I embraced our life.

Christian has blossomed into such a beautiful and intelligent child. His language skills amaze everyone. He babbles, and has words, and he WANTS TO TALK. He is silly, and sweet, and is all boy. He is smart, he is loving, and he is curious. He is everything that I dreamt of, and prayed for. I wouldn't change a single thing about him, or our life.

So, here we are. 4 days until activation. I'm happy. I'm content. And I'm eagerly awaiting to see what else is on tap for our family.

10 comments:

Mom to Toes said...

*Tears*

Beautiful post! Boy, can I relate.

I am so excited about Christian's activation day.

What time is the appointment? Do you have the video camera ready to go?

Laurie said...

What a beautiful post! You are Christian's mom for a reason and he will do just great! Sounds like you have a great support system. Will be anxious for an update soon on his activation!

You, Christian and your family are starting an incredible journey!

Val said...

I remember being in grocery stores hearing mothers tell their kids "be quiet" or "quit talking" or something similar. I despised to hear that, thinking "just be glad they can talk!!" Never imagining that my kids would talk from sun up 'til sundown. That's the thing about AVT...you talk from morning til night and they end up doing the same thing. It's hard to get mad at them I'll tell ya. Even when they learn the four letter words at school or get in trouble for talking...it's just hard to get mad at that! Pretty soon you'll be saying "Christian, you said that pretty rude, apologize" and won't that be amazing that he'll be able to hear the tones in people's voice enough to mock them! He might cry while watching a sad movie, or get his feelings hurt because of THE WAY someone said something to him. These are things I never thought I'd witness. It's more than just words Christina, he'll get more than just the words...grab your tissues, girl, you've got many years of happy tears ahead of you.

leahlefler said...

You have my thoughts and prayers with you- I can't believe activation day is only 4 days away!
He's been doing so well that I can't even imagine what is in store once the world of sound is turned on. Better start helping him work on that valedictory address now (g)!

tammy jean said...

I've been thinking about you the last couple of days knowing Christian's activation is coming up! I think of how excited you must feel ... how looking back must be an overwhelming feeling of success! Not only will Christian "hear", he will "listen". I've always told my students, it's harder to listen than it is to hear! I keep thinking about that through all of these journeys, we're not just teaching our kids to hear, we're teaching our kids to listen, which is so much more important than just "hearing". They will appreciate so much more and learn so much more and be so much more - all from "listening". I can't wait to read about his activation day!!

Abbie said...

Activation is just around the corner!! I can't wait to see his video!

Anonymous said...

Your son is a robot now. What kind of parent are you?

Lazy? Confounded? Denial?

How would you feel if I as a deaf parent had my hearing kid's cochleas removed, and she became deaf like me? You'd feel haunted and angered as we deaf people feel the same way over your son's abuse from you.

Your story is full of crap, and I feel sorry for your innocent son. Refusing to learn sign language and getting him plugged are considered to be unjustifiably inhumane.

I'm praying that he will later realize what kind of parent you are -- totally inhumane. Shame on you!

Christian's Mommy said...

Thanks everyone for all the love, support and prayers...

In regards to the "Anonymous" comment left here, I'm refuse to let this blog turn into a forum for Pro-CI vs. Anti-CI. All I am going to say in response is obviously this person hasn't done their research, and knows nothing about my family. And for what it's worth, ASL is our family's second language, and it always will be. I am proud of the choices I have made for my son, and will pray for the people who find the need to judge and allienate my family from the Deaf community.

The Multi-talented and Menially Employed, J.D. said...

So PROUD of you. I'm proud of how far you have come. How you faced your sorrow, how you had faith, how you treasure what you have instead of dwelling on what you do not.

I am proud of you for your amazing ability to learn. You can hold ASL conversations with fluent users. You sign when you talk without thinking of it.

I am proud that your son has your disposition and that he is as social and verbal as you are. He speaks, he signs, he laughs, he loves... he is a shinning example of what you have taught him.

Anonymous bullies are the biggest cowards.

I wish that coward read the letter you wrote to Christian the night before his surgery. Never let anyone attack you for the decision you agonized over. Hugs!

jcraft said...

@ Anonymous. This blog documents one of my best friend's as she and her family travel this road. She and her family struggled long and hard to make the decision to have such an invasive procedure done and you have no right to judge that decision. You have every right to disagree but keep your comments, especially the cowardly anonymous ones to yourself.