Saturday, June 14, 2008

Father Knows Best...

I was just venting to Chuck this evening about something that has been really weighing on me.

Every so often, our blog will receive comments from people telling me that I am ruining my kids life by giving him a CI, or I'm not being true to his identity by teaching him to speak. I know having this blog out in the public domain opens up our life for comments. When it first started happening, I could deal with it. My skin may have been a bit thicker, and I was ready to go on the defense. Now, when things like that happen, all I want to do is scream at these people and tell them they have no freaking idea what we go through as a family. In the beginning, I didn't really care what these people thought about me and Chuck. Now, it matters to me. It matters because like it or not, we're a part of the deaf community.

I have all these thoughts swirling through my head. Will Christian be accepted into the deaf community? We've tried so hard to expose him to both the hearing and deaf world. Christian is just as deaf as the rest of them. This little boy, without a CI or his aids, can't even hear a jet engine next to him. We're teaching him sign language. What if he choses not to use it? Will he be an outcast?

We want to give Christian the best of both worlds. I want him to have the ability to live in both communities, should he choose. I want to be able to give my son the best. THE BEST.

I was venting this all to Chuck, and he said to me "All that matters is what is good for Christian, and we know what is. People are going to judge us, regardless of what we do. Who cares. We know what is best".

For those of you who know my husband, you know he is a man of few words. But when he does talk, everyone stops and listens.

So, on this Father's Day, I'm thanking God that I have the best husband in the world. He always manages to keep everything in perspective. Christian is SO lucky to have him as his Daddy.


Anonymous said...

Your husband is speaking the truth. People out there are cruel and don't know what they are saying. Only you and your husband may know what is best for Christian. Who cares what others think, they do not know Christian as wel as you guys do. They don't have the right to tell you that you are doing all this wrong. I'm sorry people are so rude and don't know how to keep their mouth shut. Just ignore them and continue doing what you feel is right for your beautiful son.

Mom to Toes said...

You've got yourself quite a catch, Tina!


Cagey said...

It seems that you are only doing what you think is best for you son. Because you love him and only want a positive future for him. Period. End of story. You cannot cover single scenario he may encounter, but you are trying your best to prepare him.

My situation is not anyway near similar, but I can offer a weak metaphor in return. My kids are half Indian because my husband is from India. Because of our life style and the fact that my husband has adopted the US 100% as his country, my kids are NOT going to just slink into Indian society comfortably. I could lose sleep over the fact that my kids may or may not be comfortable with what is technically half of their heritage, but truly? I have to sleep at night! I need to have faith that we will be okay with our decisions.

I think you will be, too. :-)

Karen said...

Your husband has some wise words to share. :)

You're giving him the ability to meet and communicate with a wide variety of deaf/hard of hearing/hearing people and that's the key. Christian will lead the way when it comes to forming friendships and deciding who he would like to hang out with.

Val said...

I get comments from time to time too, now I delete them and never post them and move on. People are entitled to their opinions but when they become cruel and hateful which I've had my share, I hit delete and move on. Don't waste your time! They get a kick out of making us angry and that's their intention. They aren't trying to educate or enlighten us when they become cruel, and hateful and I'm not gonna give them the satisfaction of knowing they "got to me". We get to a point where we too have to accept that not everyone is going to agree w/our decisions and those who choose to get nasty will have not be given space in my mind nor on my blog. I've got too much good stuff going on to let someone drag me down. That little boy of yours WILL be accepted where he chooses, 'cause of you guys. You are the ones molding and shaping his attitude now, so what gets you down, will get him advice, hit delete and move on, out of sight/out of mind.

leahlefler said...

We have critics- even within our own family! Coming from the other side, though- my MIL is a preschool teacher and wants absolutely no sign language taught. We pay no heed to anyone else and do what is best for our son, but those types of comments are still hurtful.

The Multi-talented and Menially Employed, J.D. said...

Chuck has amazed me in the man he's become since being a father. I know it's easier said than done to ignore what other people say and think. But from an outside perspective, one that's not at all in the deaf community, I think there is change in the air. Technology is now framing the debate and changing the options. Christian will likely be an adult in a deaf community where the great majority have CIs. But no matter what he will forge his own way in the world. And he is blessed to have strong parents behind him!

Lucas'Mommy said...

It sounds like you definitely have your son's best interests in mind. Teaching him to sign and to listen/speak is giving him the best of both worlds. He can then eventually make his own decisions, but at least you're giving him lots of options. That's my prerogative too. I just started a blog last week on my severe-profoundly deaf son. We're looking into a cochlear implant for him too. Thanks for your inspiring posts.

Jax said...

It's been a while since I've commented, I know...but I just wanted to remind you that for any minute that something like this might get to you, there are a 1000 minutes of love and support surrounding you. And that's what is most important...<3 Love you.

Abbie said...

Oh what a catch! He is right because you are trying to give a little boy that is part of 35 million people a change to communicate with over 300 million.

I wouldn't pass judgements of the deaf community on a few unsubstantiated comments from angry people. I find that the deaf community in real life is the opposite of this.

Happy fathers day!!!

Laurie said...

You are doing an awesome job with Christian. I "ditto" all the above comments. . . only you know what is best for your son. It is called "mother's intuition!" And he was given to you for a reason because Someone knew that you and your husband would be the perfect parents for him. Keep on keeping on!

I have a quote that I tell people sometimes. "I can only please one person per day. Today is not your day and tomorrow doesn't look good either!"

I had to go to comment moderation because people were saying things that I didn't want published. Mom always said if you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all.

You have a precious family!