Wednesday, June 2, 2010


Every once in a while I'm allowed to leave the happy place that I am in. I'm allowed to sit back and pout about the fact that Christian is "different". I'm allowed to stress out about a broken piece of equipment, and then kick the door because it's just not fair that my 3 year old boy has to be deaf. I'm allowed to think that the little piece of technology that I am infinitly grateful for is also a HUGE PAIN IN THE ASS.  I'm allowed to attempt to do yoga to calm my nerves and then decide that the only thing will do the trick is a jumbo box of Reese's Pieces. I'm allowed to do that. I'm not happy that I did it, but I did. I sat on my floor watching a yoga dvd while eatting candy that I stole from my kids. We're 2 years into our CI journey...I thought I'd be over these grumpy moments by now.

I'm  having one of those days today that come along every couple of months. I'm just grumpy. It's pool season and he can't hear a darn thing because his CI and hearing aid must come off.  The humidity has also hit DC, which means my little guy is sweating a lot, which means that the Topstick Tape that we use to lock his processor in place needs to be replaced at least twice a day to keep it on. The humidity also means failing coils, of which happened this morning, two days before we leave for another road trip. I know that I need to be careful about venting about these seemingly "little things". I know that we are ridiculously blessed that Christian is doing as phenomenal as he is. But these "little things" creep up and crunch up on me and I just can't deal sometimes. 

Most days, I'm basking in the beauty of Holland. I love Holland, don't get me wrong. I wouldn't trade my trip here for anything else.  I just sometimes need a vacation from here, preferably somewhere that I can drink fruity rum drinks and that has amazing shopping. 


leah said...

You're definitely allowed those days. We all have them- and they seem to sneak up on us. Things are going along just fine, and then WHAM- you're struck with a reminder of how things are different. For me, today, it was Matt trying to wake Nolan up to hear the thunder (Nolan is only 5dB from the severe level in his low frequencies, so he can't hear rolling thunder with his aids off). Watching Nolan get annoyed because he had no idea that the rest of us were listening to the thunderstorm made me sad.

It happens- you're allowed to have a sad day. And I'm pretty sure Reeses Pieces have no calories when you're watching a Yoga show. :-)

tammy said...

I had one of these "moments" while we were at Disney ... humid out, problem with equipment, Aiden running crazy because with his LVAS and dizziness it's easier for him to "seem like" a madman than stand still, his itching at neck because of his shirt collar and SI issues that caused a big sore on his neck ... and I just sat down after the day and cried - why does my baby have to go through all this!?! I was mad, upset, and had to let it out through tears. I felt much better though .... I think it's healthier to have these moments than to pretend like they're not there and keep them vented up inside. Oh, and candy and a good drink always help too! ; ) Miss you!