I'm having a hard day today...
"Christian do you see Santa? (note to self, look-up Santa ASL sign on visual dictionary)"
"Peek-a-boo, Buddy, I see you...do you hear Mommy?(note to self, hunch down further and use a mirror to see if he is localizing sound)"
"Christian, where's the duck? Do you hear that duck? Come on buddy, where's the duck? (note to self, get some toys that actually are loud enough for a hearing kid to hear).
"Oh, gee, thanks for asking what he wants for Christmas...I've posted a link on my blog for Toys for Differently Abled Kids. Can you check that out?"
I know that we're making amazing progress with Christian's hearing. He is doing great with the aids, we're signing to him non-stop (thanks to Miss Pam and the EI team in MOCO), and he is starting to respond to some environmental sounds. We're working very hard to help him. And, sometimes, all I want to do is just roll around on the floor with him and JUST BE HIS MOMMY. Not his teacher. Not his therapist. JUST HIS MOMMY. I would give anything to have 5 minutes during the day where I wasn't worried about his absorption of languag and learning the signs. I would give anything to have a day where I didn't correct my husband for doing something wrong ("No Chuck, that's not the sign...THIS is...No, Chuck, say UP, UP, UP...keep it slow and simple...No, Chuck, stop clapping USE YOUR VOICE WITH HIM...No, Chuck, speak louder...No, Chuck, speak softer...No, Chuck...No..."). I would give anything to spare Christian from the ultrasounds, sedated testing, opthamology screens, genetic testing, blood draws, CT Scans....all the medical tests that he has had to go through.
Days like today, remind me that this is a journey, and the hardest part of this journey is the beginning. I know it will get easier. Sometimes, I just wish that we could sing and play together, without me turning it into a therapy session.