Friday, June 27, 2008

Enough is Enough.

This blog was always intended as a place to share my ups and downs as a hearing parent to a deaf child. It was designed to be a spot to highlight our journey, pass along tips and resources, and to just be a place where I could share the beautiful moments that I share with my son. I've met some amazing people, and formed some lifelong friendships through this blog. It has been a blessing in my life.

This blog was NOT designed to become a forum for the Deaf Community to ridicule and judge my decisions. Over the months, I received comments from people accusing me of raping my child by giving him a Cochlear Implant. My communication methods were judged. The choices I made, the things that I said, EVERYTHING was judged. Judged by a community that I so desperately want to be a part of and understand. In my post today about the Deaf Child signs that are being placed, I was pretty much accused of being a lazy parent relying on signs for my kids safety. It even accused me of treating my kid like a wild animal.

Congratulations, Deaf Community. You've just pushed another person away.

While I know that the entire Deaf Community is not like this, there are a few vocal and loud folks who always seem to find a way to rain on a Mom's parade. Who feel it's their place to tell a hearing parent how to raise their child. Who feel that somehow, they could do a better job than me. I've sucked it up, I've taken it all in stride. Until today.

Comments that were left on my blog today make me sick. They show just how divided the Deaf Community really is.

There's only so much of this I can take. I'll be moderating my comments for now on. I don't want this joyful site to turn into a hate-filled place.

16 comments:

The Multi-talented and Menially Employed, J.D. said...

I just can't for the life of me figure out why you would read someone's blog that is her journal about her son's achievements and challenges and post negative comments. I guess you've yet to learn "If you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all."

I love debating. I'll debate with someone all day long and I have no problem offering my opinion. However, I do not offer it in inappropriate situations. For example when someone writes on her blog, "I'm so happy xyz happened!" I do not comment, "You are a monster for wanting that."

And quite frankly I don't know what the big freaking deal is about the signs. When you see "SLOW Children Crossing" signs by schools do you think, "Geeze, that makes it seem like those kids must be idiots that they can't cross the street. They must have lazy parents who haven't taught them proper safety habits." F-off.

Mom to Toes said...

Tina, I am floored by the way you've been attacked on your blog.

You've done so much to try to make sure that Christian has an opportunity to become part of the Deaf Community - far, far more than I ever attempted. Yet I've never been targetted be these people.

For you, of all people, to take this grief makes no sense to me. It leads me to believe that people like that are intentionally driving parents like us away.

After all, they've left me alone - me who never even tried to become a part of the culture. And they are driving away someone that wanted so much to become a part of that world.

It infuriates me. And I'm generally pretty laid back about the Deaf Extremists.

Sally said...

Tina:

I always look forward to hearing about your progress and my heart and spirit has been with you. This afternoon, I could not believe the outrageous, beligerant and evil comments that someone would post. I truly admire you and your courage. Don't ever give up hope, you are an amazing person with an incredible story to tell and an inspiration to so many. This should empower you all the more to keep up your faith and belief. Please don't let this get you down. It should only make you want to forge ahead.

I look forward to hearing from you and getting together when time allows.

You have my contact information :)

Sally (classmate)

Sally said...

Tina:

I always look forward to hearing about your progress and my heart and spirit has been with you. This afternoon, I could not believe the outrageous, beligerant and evil comments that someone would post. I truly admire you and your courage. Don't ever give up hope, you are an amazing person with an incredible story to tell and an inspiration to so many. This should empower you all the more to keep up your faith and belief. Please don't let this get you down. It should only make you want to forge ahead.

I look forward to hearing from you and getting together when time allows.

You have my contact information :)

Sally (classmate)

Laurie said...

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I've had to go to comment moderating for the same reason. . .

You are doing what you think it is best for your child. I applaud you for what you are doing for Christian. . . he is so lucky to have you and your husband for his parents!

Keep your chin up and smile. . . it makes people wonder what you are up to! And keep on keeping on!

Laurie

Val said...

They think they can shut you up, too bad that never works out for them, actually their comments do the opposite of their intent usually. Good for you, I moderate mine too.

Drew's Mom said...

I read your post earlier today about the signs and wanted to comment but got distracted by the kids...then to read this. I have to say that I am shocked someone would send you to that link.

The point of the sign is to let drivers know that a child can not hear the honking of a horn. Even the best, most well disiplined children who have been taught by their "loving" parents to stay out of the street wonder into it from time to time. It is human nature to chase your ball as it rolls. Sometimes kids in the midst of playing forget the rules.

I'll never understand other people! Please, don't stop posting...there are those of us that really enjoy reading about all of the wonderful things you are doing for your son...I was actaully going to ask how you went about getting the signs, as I personally think they are a GREAT idea!

misskri said...

I am so sorry that you had to go through this. I for one, enjoy reading your blog and hearing all about Christian's milestone's! I hope whomever is leaving those comments stays away and finds something else to fret over. You and your husband are doing an AMAZING job ~ don't ever let anyone tell you otherwise!!!

Hugs
Melissa

Mother of Bilingual Deaf and Hearing Children said...

My deaf child is now 18 years old. She just got her driver's license. Talk about feeling anxious about your child's safety! The anxiety I feel now that she is driving on her own reminded me of the same feeling I had when she first started to cross the street on her own. Sigh. I say this to suggest that I have been in your shoes.

I have always and continue to respect all that you are doing to raise Christian. I didn't catch your blog about the sign when it first appeared. I checked it out and the comments, too. I am satisfied that you are informed about the pros and cons related to signs alerting drivers to the possible presence of children or to a deaf child in the area. I am also confident that you are a vigilant parent who will not likely rely on the presence of a sign, but will teach Christian to be safe near streets and cars. Given this, I support your request for a sign.

I also support your decision to moderate comments. Heck, it's your blog! I do hope you keep blogging, giving me a window on your world to watch as you and Christian grow together.

Hugs
Mother of Bilingual Deaf and Hearing Children

Sandra said...

I am so sorry. I have been in your shoes. I tried s very hard to have my child be familiar with her deaf culture, but the people from that culture made sure we did not feel welcome in their world. So, unfortunately for them (not my daughter), they will never know how truly wonderful and amazing she is. Sad....

Anonymous said...

Although I have never met you, I feel like I am living your life (well add 2 big brothers, one who is hearing impaired, one who is hearing) with my 16 month old son who was born with severe to profound hearing due also to the Connexin 26 gene mutation. He was just implanted at the end of March. My husband and I (and 4 other family members!) have all enrolled in ASL classes and have been trying to immerse ourselves in Deaf Culture. Unfortunately, when I mentioned to our ASL professor (she is HOH) that Luke would be getting a C.I....she nearly cried. I honestly try to understand where they are coming from but at the end of the day Luke is MY son and Christian is YOUR son. Stay strong and please continue this wonderful blog. I look forward to reading it everyday, it helps knowing that there are other women out there going through the same struggles as I am!!!

Warmly,

Amy

ladycaissa said...

Ignore those jerks. They do not know your son and they do not know what's best for him. I personally think that they are jelous that Christian has such a wonderful loving parents who are willing to give him every opportunity that they can give him.

They will always be this way. Nothing is good enough for some of members of the deaf community. They really should not force their opinion down your throat. All you can do is just keep doing what you think is right for your kid.

Loudest Mom said...

You've been such an optimistic, joy-filled example of exactly what TO do. Don't get down. Just keep on, keeping on. I hate to say it, but I've moderated my own comments on my four wonderful verbal kids just to avoid becoming a target. But, that's not the way I am teaching my kids to live, and it's not the way I am going to proceed any more. We, as parents make the best decisions for our kids that we can. You are doing a fantastic job.....

Loudest Mom said...

O.K. So I'm lame. Your post made me so mad, I chimed in, but wasn't smart enough to link to the original post (sorry , so confusing, see my blog) :( I'm just MAD right now. We should all be in this together to raise outstanding little people, right ?

mishkazena said...

Not everybody in the Deaf Community is like that, attacking the parents of c.i. kids.

I am truly sorry you were attacked. I do enjoy reading c.i. blogs, like jodi and val can asset.

Anonymous said...

Hi Tina,

Just wanted to say I'm sorry for all the negative comments you've been getting. I am a deaf college sophomore at Northwestern University and am scheduled to get a CI in 2 months. I'm nervous and excited at the same time!

I think it is so great that you are trying to do the best thing possible for your child. There is no one perfect way to raise a deaf or hard-of-hearing child - do whatever works for your family, and don't listen to people who criticize you!

The best thing you can do for your child, even above the CI and everything else, is to teach him confidence. Never let his hearing loss get in the way of anything he tries to do. My parents always taught me that I am not disabled - I am differently-abled. As a result of my upbringing, I advocate for myself and always, always find a way to tear down any barrier my hearing loss provides.

So keep doing what you think is best for Christian. Ignore the negative comments because every time your child hears something new, you can say to yourself "take that, whiners!"

Looking forward to reading more of your posts.