Monday, June 11, 2012

The Tears Have ALREADY started.

I looked at the calendar today as I prepped for our week and realized that Christian has just 11 school days left. 11 more days at the school that we've been at since he was 14 months old. 11 more days at the school where he spoke his first sentence, learned to write his name, and where he learned to advocate for himself. This is the school that gave me confidence as a 1st time Mom when I doubted ever being able to handle the challenges of raising a deaf baby. This IS the school and the experience that changed our life.

Over the past 5 years, Christian's school has been our rock and constant. In our ups and downs, we've ALWAYS had the faculty and administration to lean on. In our days of uncertainty, the team would calm our fears and show us that Christian really was capable of ANYTHING with NO limitations. They made my life as a Mom to a kid with Cochlear Implants just a little bit easier and little bit LESS stressful by being THE BEST OF THE BEST.

So here I am, about ready to hop in the car to go to our last "Sound Support" play date and meeting and I'm a mess. This group is home to other families with children with hearing loss and they have always been my life-line. There's been a group of us who started together and we've leaned on one another from everything from nursing challenges to troubleshooting processors. My Sound Support girlfriends are such a treasure and I am really going to miss knowing that there are other Moms, JUST LIKE ME in our new school.

I know life is going to change so much in the next 3 months. As excited as we are to send Christian to Kindergarten with all his neighborhood friends, I also have just as much sadness. Christian bounds through the doors of his school everyday with friends who are typically hearing AND friends who have CIs and Hearing Aids too. I had the comfort of knowing he was really never alone, and that his friends in class just GOT IT.  Never once did I have to explain "What those things are" on my kids head. His friends, their parents, their nannies....they just GOT IT. And he just fit in....seemlessly. Next year, oh next little boy will be the only kid in a school of hundreds of typical kids with Cochlear Implants. I'm worried he's going to be alone. I'm worried that for the first time he may just feel different. Pile that on top of all the logistical worries that I have just about his day-to-day stuff and I'm literally an anxious mess.

I've got to wipe away these tears. I know somehow while I am sad, these are also tears of joy. I wouldn't be crying these tears if my little man didn't exceed our expectations. I wouldn't be crying these tears if he WASN'T ready for transitioning to our neighborhood school. I wouldn't be crying these tears if he didn't blow my mind everyday with the things he is capable of.

Being able to be a part of this school for the past 5 years has been a gift. It's been quite the sacrifice for our family, both financially and logistically, yet we would do it again in a heartbeat. I'm going to do my best to really savor these last 11 days and use them to celebrate not just my little boy who defied the odds, but his amazing teachers and team at his school for cheering him on every step of the way.

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