Sick to my Stomach

I really struggled with cross-posting this video. It's been going around on several hearing loss list-servs this week, and I know many of my D/HOH friends and CI Mommas have seen it. This blog is intended to be used as a resource for parents and also as a celebration of the miracle of the Cochlear Implant. I try to include information that is helpful for other families going through their own hearing loss and Cochlear Implant journey. I love sharing our milestones with Christian and also sharing our challenges.

I'm not even going to get into the debate of to implant or not, however this video profoundly impacted me. I felt sick to my stomach watching it. I sobbed. I wept. And all the while, I somehow understood this man's perspective. Unfortunately, hearing parents of deaf babies are misrepresented in the most grotesque way. I have been told in the past by radical members of the Deaf community (a community which I have found in the most part very welcoming) that we were "raping" or son and that we would "go to hell" for implanting him. I've been told that I "stole his identity" and that I am a "horrible parent". All that for giving my child the ability to listen and speak. My son's Cochlear Implant does NOT make him hearing. It helps him listen and speak. My son will ALWAYS be deaf.

I've learned in the past year or so after forming many friendships with deaf adults who use Cochlear Implants that there are members of the Deaf Community who are terrified of LOSING the next generation all together thanks to Cochlear Implants. My son IS the new Deaf generation. He listens. He speaks. He sometimes even signs. And some people are terrified of him and the 1,000s of other children growing up with the miracle of the Cochlear Implant.

Take this video for what it's worth, and watch it to the very end.
*And, yes, I still moderate my comments, so if you want to spread hate, do it somewhere else. The last thing new parents of deaf babies need to be exposed to is the hatred and negativity of the very few radicals who lurk on these blogs.

Back and Completely Inspired

I think it's safe to say that I experienced every single emotion possible this past week when I went to Nashville for the HLAA conference. I am beyond thrilled that I was able to attend, and learned so much that will help me in my journey as a hearing mother to a deaf child. Many tears were shed, mostly tears of joy.

I had the opportunity to attend some really great sessions and workshops, including the Research Support Symposium that focused on Hair Cell Regeneration. I cruised the exhibit hall everyday and visited with some really interesting vendors that included both our hearing aid and CI manufacter, and several different assistive devices that one day we'll need with Christian. I even had an opportunity to chat with some representatives from Gallaudet about my interest in their SLP program.

While the exhibit hall and the workshops were extremely informative, the connections that I made with other attendees were by far the most valuable component of the entire conference for me. I had the wonderful opportunity to FINALLY meet my online friends Abbie, Jen, and Laurie. These 3 ladies have been such a support for me during the past 2 years, and I was incredibly grateful to finally hug them in person. Abbie and I are very much alike in so many ways (we've always joked about that in blog comments and emails), but it was confirmed on Friday when we realized we had the same cut and highlight :) Jen welcomed me with her signature smile, and I had such a fun time out to dinner with her and beautiful family. And Laurie always seemed to be able to introduce me to the right person at the right time. My friend Mike, who lives in my area (and who nominated me for my scholarship to HLAA) made sure I didn't get lost in the hustle and bustle of the conference. I made some good friends thanks to their introductions!

I learned so much from these folks while I was there, and I am sure that they were all just about FRIED after all the questions I constantly bombarded them with. I think one of the hardest things for me as a hearing Mom is not knowing what exactly Christian hears (and doesn't hear). As adult CI users, they were able to give me their unique perspectives on the experience of wearing Cochlear Implants. My extent of socializing with CI users is the occasional CI playgroup that I attend with Christian. I really enjoyed seeing my friends interact with one another (and how we communicated together). There was one night when a group of us went to The Wildhorse Saloon. I was beyond impressed with how well everyone heard, and even was able to identify different instruments in the band that was playing. I of course, kept asking 'Do you hear the cymbals? What about the tambourine? Can you hear the lyrics?". I couldn't help it. My friends were such a great window into the world of Cochlear Implants, and the D/HOH community. I really appreciated their willingness to share their experiences, both good and bad with me. They welcomed me into their community with open arms (and ears!). I was worried at first how I would fit in, yet by day 2 of the conference, felt completely at home.

Attending the HLAA truly opened my eyes and my heart. As I was on the plane on Sunday morning heading back to my family, I thought back to the beginning of my journey with Christian. I was always so worried that he would feel alone. That he would be by himself, and on the outside. If I learned ANYTHING this weekend, it's that the miracle of the Cochlear Implant has opened up so many options for deaf individuals. It was a nice little glimpse into how bright the future looks for Christian.



Laurie, Abbie, Jen and I at the Birthday Celebration. This was one of the only pictures I can find of the four of us where we're not all laughing. We had such a fun time!


I think the only thing that the gang held against me was that we're a Cochlear family, and they all wore AB processors :)


By far, the funniest shirt I've seen. Abbie rocking the shirt!

HLAA Hear I Come!

I was so excited to learn last week that I was awarded a scholarship to attend the upcoming HLAA convention in Nashville this June. What a great opportunity to not only attend some really cool workshops and symposiums (the symposium on Hair Cell Regeneration looks fascinating!), but to also FINALLY meet many of the folks in the D/HOH community that I've connected with online over the past 2 years. I'm also really looking forward to actually attending a convention in lieu of planning one. Before becoming the C.O.O. and lead SLP in my family, I worked full time as a meeting planner, organizing large conventions like this one. I'm sure I'll have the urge to do room checks and plot signage while onsite. Once a Meeting Planner, always a meeting planner :)

I hope to connect with other parents of CI kiddos--please let me know if you'll be there!

Anything and Everything You'd Ever Need....at Target

Like most families, we have at least two trips a week to our local Target. From diapers, to trash bags, to hangers, we always could find everything we needed there.

Yesterday, we made our second trip of the week. While browsing supplies in the baby section, I just happened to run into a Deaf family. The parents were deaf, and had 3 children, all under 5, all with Cochlear Implants. I learned they lived very close to us, and we had a great conversation between pacifiers and diapers. I just love living in an area where we do have the luxury of connecting with other families like us!

Keeping it Real

While waiting on line election day, I ended up meeting a very cool deaf family that lives literally 2 streets away from me. I saw them signing out of the corner of my eye, asked a neighbor to hold my place in the line, and ran over to them. Through my mediocre signing skills, we exchanged information. I learned they had a hearing daughter, but they were both deaf. They were cordial, sweet, and so happy to answer some quick questions. Since election day, we've been exchanging emails.

Today, I had the opportunity to visit with them, and it was AWESOME. While we have a great network of other hearing parents of deaf children, our interactions and contacts with other deaf adults is very limited. I was so thankful to be able to just ask questions. It's so important to me that Christian interacts with other deaf adults, and it's just so great that we have a family living here in our neighborhood.

Enough is Enough.

This blog was always intended as a place to share my ups and downs as a hearing parent to a deaf child. It was designed to be a spot to highlight our journey, pass along tips and resources, and to just be a place where I could share the beautiful moments that I share with my son. I've met some amazing people, and formed some lifelong friendships through this blog. It has been a blessing in my life.

This blog was NOT designed to become a forum for the Deaf Community to ridicule and judge my decisions. Over the months, I received comments from people accusing me of raping my child by giving him a Cochlear Implant. My communication methods were judged. The choices I made, the things that I said, EVERYTHING was judged. Judged by a community that I so desperately want to be a part of and understand. In my post today about the Deaf Child signs that are being placed, I was pretty much accused of being a lazy parent relying on signs for my kids safety. It even accused me of treating my kid like a wild animal.

Congratulations, Deaf Community. You've just pushed another person away.

While I know that the entire Deaf Community is not like this, there are a few vocal and loud folks who always seem to find a way to rain on a Mom's parade. Who feel it's their place to tell a hearing parent how to raise their child. Who feel that somehow, they could do a better job than me. I've sucked it up, I've taken it all in stride. Until today.

Comments that were left on my blog today make me sick. They show just how divided the Deaf Community really is.

There's only so much of this I can take. I'll be moderating my comments for now on. I don't want this joyful site to turn into a hate-filled place.

Father Knows Best...

I was just venting to Chuck this evening about something that has been really weighing on me.

Every so often, our blog will receive comments from people telling me that I am ruining my kids life by giving him a CI, or I'm not being true to his identity by teaching him to speak. I know having this blog out in the public domain opens up our life for comments. When it first started happening, I could deal with it. My skin may have been a bit thicker, and I was ready to go on the defense. Now, when things like that happen, all I want to do is scream at these people and tell them they have no freaking idea what we go through as a family. In the beginning, I didn't really care what these people thought about me and Chuck. Now, it matters to me. It matters because like it or not, we're a part of the deaf community.

I have all these thoughts swirling through my head. Will Christian be accepted into the deaf community? We've tried so hard to expose him to both the hearing and deaf world. Christian is just as deaf as the rest of them. This little boy, without a CI or his aids, can't even hear a jet engine next to him. We're teaching him sign language. What if he choses not to use it? Will he be an outcast?

We want to give Christian the best of both worlds. I want him to have the ability to live in both communities, should he choose. I want to be able to give my son the best. THE BEST.

I was venting this all to Chuck, and he said to me "All that matters is what is good for Christian, and we know what is. People are going to judge us, regardless of what we do. Who cares. We know what is best".

For those of you who know my husband, you know he is a man of few words. But when he does talk, everyone stops and listens.

So, on this Father's Day, I'm thanking God that I have the best husband in the world. He always manages to keep everything in perspective. Christian is SO lucky to have him as his Daddy.