Tuesday, September 11, 2012


My college roomie and closest friend is pregnant with her first child and I've been working on putting together THE PERFECT shower for her. Although, we're trying to not call it a shower because it's really just a nice gathering for girlfriends and she really isn't a jordan almond and diaper cake kind-of girl. She loves the Yankees. She curses more than any one I know. She's this powerful woman who is totally melting at the thought of having A GIRL! I love hearing her perspective on her first pregnancy. I love listening to her recount all the details about her doctors appointments, her registry, and her nursery. I just love the excitement. It completely warms my heart for so many reasons. I want to give her a beautiful day. I want it to be perfect. 
She's going to be an amazing Mom.

I remember being pregnant with Christian like it was yesterday...funny how my pregnancy with Lily was a blur. I'm pretty sure I spent most of it in the carpool line at Christian's school. I remember planning his color scheme for his room, picking out the cutest little rugby shirts at Baby Gap, and doodling variations of his name on countless legal pads at work. I had this easy and uneventful pregnancy and I was certain that my little boy, who always measured big and robust and who even was born healthy, was just as perfect as could be.
Dreaming of my perfect baby. Photo by Galhouse Photography.
And then this weird motherly instinct prompted me to bang pots and pans over his head when he was sound asleep in his bassinet because something just seemed OFF. And from that moment on, my idea of perfection was completely shattered and reworked.

I've learned over these past 5.5 years that perfection really is in the eye of the beholder. I've also learned thanks to a dear friend who happens to be a paraplegic and a Mom of 2 how to embrace a perfectly imperfect life and own it and love it and make it YOUR dream.  Having a deaf kid was certainly NOT in my game plan. I'm not going to sugar coat any of this and say "Oh, it's such a blessing having a SPECIAL kid". It's hard. It's REALLY REALLY hard. Not a day goes by where I don't pray for Christian to have courage and perseverance to deal with the adversity he faces everyday...even though he doesn't know he's really facing anything. But, then I also lift up prayers of thanksgiving for all the little things that this experience has given our family. It's taught us patience. It's taught us to value every word as a gift---even to this day when words such as BUTT and POOP SNACK are being tossed around in a very Kindergarten appropriate way.  It's given me as a mother the opportunity to really stretch my wings and be a mentor to other families who are facing similar challenges. Most of all, Christian has broken down barriers and stereotypes already in the short 5.5 years that he's been here.  I love just seeing all the little blessings that have come out of this little imperfection.

If this isn't perfect, I don't know what is.
Perfectly Imperfect. 


Jodi Michelle Cutler said...

Love it!!!

Alma Perez said...

Hello my child might be a candidate for CI what kind of CIs does your son use?

EllenF said...

Beautifully said. My little guy is perfectly imperfect, too. Couldn't love him more.