I've been wanting to write my thoughts on this for awhile now, but I've been putting it off, as it's such an emotional subject for me. However, Jodi, who just happens to be one of my Mommy-gurus, posted something on her blog today that gave me the guts to finally write it out.
I feel like I've come a long way when it comes to Christian's hearing loss and how I cope with it. There were days not too long ago that during his naps I would just sit in my bedroom and sob. I would worry about his schooling, socialization, how he would communicate, and how his life would be. I'm over that phase now. Sure, I still worry. But, I don't cry. I just get motivated to help him even more.
However, there is one thing still makes me cry. It's the goosebumps I get from listening to Boyd Tinsley's violin on the live track of Lie in our Graves by Dave Matthews Band. It's the smile that suddenly appears on my face when I listen to D'yer Maker by Led Zeppelin. It's the tears that well in my eyes when I hear anything by Edith Piaf. It's the PURE JOY I feel listening to O.A.R. It's the romance in my heart that boils over when I hear Frank Sinatra. It's the motivation I feel listening to Dylan. It's the uncontrollable urge to belt out the lyrics and pump my fists when I hear Journey.
I simply cannot fathom living my life without music. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that there is a very real possibility that my son won't ever know the beauty of Simon and Garfunkel. Or the energy of Dave Matthews. Or the absolute perfection that is The Beatles.
Regardless if he can hear it or not now, music is constantly in my our lives with Christian. We've swayed to Jack Johnson with him since he was 1 week old. He takes music classes at Imagination Stage, and not a day goes by where we don't practice singing some song. I know at times it's more for me.
When I hear stories of kids who are Deaf and have CI's that are playing musical instruments, listening to iPods and SINGING in their choirs, I am amazed. I can't help but WANT that for my kid too.
Just last night, our ASL instructor who received his CI 6 years ago at the age of 50,was describing how he now can listen to music and goes to plays at The Kennedy Center. He said he knew he wasn't hearing everything perfectly, however he could understand the music and he just loves it. WOW.
I had to get up from the class to pretend to use the ladies room so I could go cry in the hall.