Music and My Deaf Kid

My Uncle Pete, teaching my little man everything there is to know about Dylan, McCartney, and Lennon. 

3.5 years ago when we found out Christian was profoundly deaf, one of the greatest losses that I grieved was his love of music. I assumed that due to the severity of his loss that he would never be able to enjoy music. I cried for days. Music is EVERYTHING to me. I grew up in a musical home, exposed to all genres from Chopin to Joplin. I grew into the girl who can hear a song and remember exactly what I was doing 15 years ago when that song was playing. I remember wondering how my little boy could grow up without knowing The Beatles or the soft lullabies of Simon and Garfunkel. I was devestated.

Hearing loss or not, Christian was going to know music. As a little baby with hearing aids, he was sung to CONSTANTLY. As a toddler with a new Cochlear Implant, even more. And now as my preschool little dude, he's singing to us. On key. In tune. And clapping out the beats to songs. And requesting his favorites (Currently, anything by Lady Gaga, Dave Matthews Band, and The Beatles). And amazing us everyday.

Christian goes to music class at his school once a week where he learns about music terminology---can you believe he told me what vibrato was?-- is exposed to all sorts of different musical instruments (his favorite is the tuba), and learns all sorts of new tunes. His teacher has expressed to us before that he truly LOVES music class and is a musical little guy.

Is that a miracle or what?

The musical authority in my family is my Uncle Pete. I treasure our relationship, and many of the memories I have growing up with him are centered by our mutual love of music. When we are together, I still feel like that 14 year old girl who JUST discovered Bob Dylan tapping into his never ending knowledge and passion for music. Christian loves his Great-Uncle Pete, especially his guitar. Imagine my Uncle Pete on the guitar singing and playing Bad Moon Rising as Christian plays the tamborine. It was such a sweet scene, I couldn't help but think back to all those times I worried that he would never know music. I wish I didn't cry so much back then.

Uncle Pete is convinced that Christian has music in his bones and urged me to get him lessons in SOMETHING. Beaming with his signature Uncle Pete smile, he told me how he saw how Christian can find the beat and rhythm.

My deaf kid. My musical deaf kid.

Is that a miracle or what?

You Gotta Have Faith

I grew up in a traditional Catholic home, attended Catholic school, and was raised in a family where our Church was a center of not just my community, but of our family. I never doubted my faith, and always felt firm in my beliefs. That is, until we heard the words "Your son is Deaf". I grieved, and took my anger out on my faith, and on my Lord. I cried and asked God why HE would do this to my family? Why did this happen to us? I mean, if YOU REALLY LOVED ME, WHY would this happen? I became angry. I neglected to look at all the blessings in my life, and instead was so angry with God.

Underneath all my anger, my faith still glimmered. While I was angry, I wasn't ready to abandon my faith. On Christian's activation day, I remember clearly feeling a sense of calm. I remember sitting in the lobby of Johns Hopkins' Listening Center praying to God "Ok, this is all up to you. I'm letting it go, and you can guide me". That day, Christian repeated his first two sounds using his Cochlear Implant. And I knew that God was listening.

Since that day, I've learned to rely on my faith for the tough moments in our journey. At least once a day, I repeat my little prayer "Ok, this is all up to you". I find myself constantly thanking God for all of Christian's success, for my beautiful babies, and for the strength He gives me everyday. What could've broken my faith completely, instead made me a stronger and firmer believer.

I wanted to share this video of Christian singing Jesus Loves Me---most traditional Catholic Hymns are a bit tricky for little ones to learn (I am the Bread of Life, hello?!), but this will do. If this isn't a sign of prayers answered, I don't know what is.
(Please disable the music on the right side of the blog)

Sing-Alongs and Happy Songs

One of the biggest worries I always had concerning Christian's hearing loss was his ability to appreciate music. I remember crying myself to sleep several nights in a row thinking that he would never be able to hear music. Once again, Christian has completely amazed and surprised us.

The little guy will be transitioning from activity to the next here in the house, and he'll spontaneously start singing "Itsy Bitsy Spider", or "Old MacDonald". His songs have gone from cutesy toddler-speak, to full on perfect articulation. I can't help but smile when I hear him sing "And On that Farm he had a Cat!". By far, my favorite music moments with Christian are always in the car. We always listen to the Top 40 radio station in the car, and lately Christian has been showing a deep appreciation for dance music (sorry Chuck). I turned up the newest Lady Gaga (I just added it to the playlist to the right if you haven't heard it), and from the backseat I hear "My My My My My Poker Face, My Poker Face, Oh, Ohhhh Oh". Of course, I just started cracking up and turned up the music, bopped my way down Massachusetts Ave., and watched my little boy in the review mirror bop along with me.

Love it.

First Concert!

We took Christian to go see his favorite (ok, my favorite) children's singer, Laurie Berkner today at GW. It was an 11am show, perfect timing for naps and lunch, and we had such a good time as a family today!

It was almost surreal to see my little guy actually enjoy the concert. Much of my grief associated with Christian's hearing loss was associated with him not being able to listen and dance to music. Thanks to the miracle of his Cochlear Implant, my little toddler CAN and DOES enjoy music. He dances and jumps and sings. I have to admit, a few tears of joy were shed at the concert, as I thought back to the days of uncertainty when we thought he would never enjoy music.

Oh how I have changed...but not really...

As part of my birthday extravaganza (which today is the actual day that I turn 30), last night, one of my besties took me to see Rusted Root, which is by far, my most favorite, most treasured, and most special band. This is a band that I've listened to since early high-school. I had their music on MIX-TAPES for goodness sake. I travelled all around the Mid-West and East Coast going to their amazing live shows over the past 15 years.

Back in the day when I wasn't the well-coifed, high-lighted and bronzed preppy girl that I am, I used to wear my hair all messy, with hair wraps, shells, and hemp in it. I would wear patcholi and spin with my flowy hippy skirts to their tribal drum beats with my girlfriends and friends that I made at all the different shows I would travel to. I wasn't a total granola, but I had my moments. Fortunately, my college roommate, Ali, had a bit of an intervention with me when I got to DC, and told me I needed to:
1. Start wearing a bra,
2. Find a different perfume, and
3. Look a little bit more "East Coast".

So, I ditched my handmade cords with flower patches for some Banana Republic Martin Fit pants, started wearing Chanel perfume, highlighted my hair, and invested in a really great push-up bra.

Despite my transformation, my love for Rusted Root never waivered. Rusted Root's music was Christian's lullabye music. It was the only band that would soothe him (looking back, this was before his hearing loss was diagnosed, and we know he was feeling the rhythmic beat of the bongos in their songs). I would rock and sway to "Cat Turned Blue" in my living room and he would instantly calm down. Now with his CI, Christian bounces and jumps to the music and dances with me, laughing and dancing. I love being able to share their music with him, and I now I KNOW he can hear it.

So, even though I have turned 30 (and totally think that is weird), not much has changed since I was 15. I still have my favorite band, who plays my most favorite music, that I can share with my favorite people.

*check out pics and a little update from Natty here

*Happy Birthday to my Joint-Birthday Buddy, Drew's Mom!

Mommy's Little Parrot

I am just AMAZED to hear everything that Christian is picking up on. We are working SO hard with his listening and speaking. I feel like everyday it's something new. Here are just a few of the words that he has picked up THIS WEEK ALONE:

-Peach (Peek)
-Open (Opeh)
-Chicken (icken)
-Happy (app-ee)
-Jump (UMP)

Christian also managed to pick up on Biz's Beat of the Day on Yo Gabba Gabba. He looked at me, and did his only little beat box show after seeing Biz do it. I just about laughed so hard I cried when he did it.

If Your Happy And You Know It...

Jump up and down and give your little boy a HIGH FIVE!

Yeah, that's what I did today. Our fabulous nanny who helps me two days a week while I work from home was here today. She was singing "If Your Happy And You Know It" to the monkey. I was in my room, getting ready to shower (at 4pm...ah, the life of a Mom), and all of the sudden, I heard:

"AP-EE! AP-EE! AP-EE"

I LOVE IT! It seems like everyday he's picking up new words. I've noticed since his implant that he is also ALOT more responsive to music and songs. He likes to sing-along and bop up and down and dance.

I feel so blessed being able to witness these small miracles everyday.

Music...

Gage and Brook's Mom posted a blog entry recently about music that touched my heart.

When I was pregnant with Christian, I was a 27 year old working Mom-to-Be. I LIVED for my iPod, and would listen to it on the Metro, bobbing my head to Ben Harper and Dave Matthews on my commute to work. Once at my office, I would plug it into my little speakers, and pick whatever Playlist fit my mood of that day.

Most of the baby books out there have some chapter about "Music and Your Unborn Baby". I, being the information nut that I am, bought into it. I would play Beethoven's Symphonies and Chopin's Etudes for my baby. I even looked into buying this ridiculous contraption. I was convinced that my kid would love music just like his father and I did, and he would come out of the womb humming "Lie in our Graves".

Christian was a colicky little baby. He would cry and cry, and the only thing that seemed to comfort him was really vigorous swinging in my arms and bouncing on my shoulder. He also seemed to have a thing for rock music. I brought out the iPod again, and made a Playlist just for my little baby of the songs that seemed to comfort him:

Rusted Root-Send Me On My Way
Led Zeppelin-Bron Y Aur Stomp
Simon and Garfunkel-Cecilia
Led Zeppelin-D'Yer Maker
Weezer-The World Has Turned And Left Me Here
Jimmy Buffett-One Particular Harbor
Dave Matthews Band-The Maker

I didn't know at the time, but the little baby that I was so desperately trying to comfort was profoundly deaf. Looking back at the playlist, I also realize that those aren't such "conventional" lullabyes. They all are songs that have prominent percussion and bass. It makes sense that my newborn liked Cecilia...he could probably feel the deep and repetitive bongos. He would fall asleep to the Send Me On My Way Bongo solo. I guess that should've been a clue to what was really going on with my kid. What did I know? I was a brand new Mom, sleep deprived, and flat out exhausted.

Over the past 16 months, I have probably shed more tears grieving for the loss of music for Christian than any other part of his hearing loss. I never thought he would be able to experience the joy of music, something that was so important to me to share with him.

Well, I'm not so worried about that anymore. I've noticed with his implant that he has started bobbing his little head to songs. He has even started dancing. And when I turned on the iPod yesterday to listen to Coldplay's new album, he took his little index finger and pointed to his C.I. Again, just another little miracle for my little boy.

Music

I've been wanting to write my thoughts on this for awhile now, but I've been putting it off, as it's such an emotional subject for me. However, Jodi, who just happens to be one of my Mommy-gurus, posted something on her blog today that gave me the guts to finally write it out.

I feel like I've come a long way when it comes to Christian's hearing loss and how I cope with it. There were days not too long ago that during his naps I would just sit in my bedroom and sob. I would worry about his schooling, socialization, how he would communicate, and how his life would be. I'm over that phase now. Sure, I still worry. But, I don't cry. I just get motivated to help him even more.

However, there is one thing still makes me cry. It's the goosebumps I get from listening to Boyd Tinsley's violin on the live track of Lie in our Graves by Dave Matthews Band. It's the smile that suddenly appears on my face when I listen to D'yer Maker by Led Zeppelin. It's the tears that well in my eyes when I hear anything by Edith Piaf. It's the PURE JOY I feel listening to O.A.R. It's the romance in my heart that boils over when I hear Frank Sinatra. It's the motivation I feel listening to Dylan. It's the uncontrollable urge to belt out the lyrics and pump my fists when I hear Journey.

It's Music.

I simply cannot fathom living my life without music. It makes me sick to my stomach to think that there is a very real possibility that my son won't ever know the beauty of Simon and Garfunkel. Or the energy of Dave Matthews. Or the absolute perfection that is The Beatles.

Regardless if he can hear it or not now, music is constantly in my our lives with Christian. We've swayed to Jack Johnson with him since he was 1 week old. He takes music classes at Imagination Stage, and not a day goes by where we don't practice singing some song. I know at times it's more for me.

When I hear stories of kids who are Deaf and have CI's that are playing musical instruments, listening to iPods and SINGING in their choirs, I am amazed. I can't help but WANT that for my kid too.

Just last night, our ASL instructor who received his CI 6 years ago at the age of 50,was describing how he now can listen to music and goes to plays at The Kennedy Center. He said he knew he wasn't hearing everything perfectly, however he could understand the music and he just loves it. WOW.

I had to get up from the class to pretend to use the ladies room so I could go cry in the hall.