I grew up in a traditional Catholic home, attended Catholic school, and was raised in a family where our Church was a center of not just my community, but of our family. I never doubted my faith, and always felt firm in my beliefs. That is, until we heard the words "Your son is Deaf". I grieved, and took my anger out on my faith, and on my Lord. I cried and asked God why HE would do this to my family? Why did this happen to us? I mean, if YOU REALLY LOVED ME, WHY would this happen? I became angry. I neglected to look at all the blessings in my life, and instead was so angry with God.
Underneath all my anger, my faith still glimmered. While I was angry, I wasn't ready to abandon my faith. On Christian's activation day, I remember clearly feeling a sense of calm. I remember sitting in the lobby of Johns Hopkins' Listening Center praying to God "Ok, this is all up to you. I'm letting it go, and you can guide me". That day, Christian repeated his first two sounds using his Cochlear Implant. And I knew that God was listening.
Since that day, I've learned to rely on my faith for the tough moments in our journey. At least once a day, I repeat my little prayer "Ok, this is all up to you". I find myself constantly thanking God for all of Christian's success, for my beautiful babies, and for the strength He gives me everyday. What could've broken my faith completely, instead made me a stronger and firmer believer.
I wanted to share this video of Christian singing Jesus Loves Me---most traditional Catholic Hymns are a bit tricky for little ones to learn (I am the Bread of Life, hello?!), but this will do. If this isn't a sign of prayers answered, I don't know what is.
(Please disable the music on the right side of the blog)
4 comments:
Why do your posts always bring me to tears?!? At least they're always partnered with a smile! Like you too, I have questioned my faith through some hard times in the past, but found it to get even stronger during my father's illness and Aiden's diagnosis when I finally let it all go and asked HIM to take over and guide me. Christian is such a blessing Tina ... to many of us!!! Hugs!
I, too, experienced a strengthening of my faith after my son's diagnosis. I was completely overwhelmed and knew I couldn't handle it by myself...I HAD to rely on God! He, of course, did not let me down. Now, I thank God for the miracle of technology and for the fortitude with which my son has worked to become the intelligent, funny young man that he is. We see God's handiwork everyday...my son has just helped us to take notice and be grateful.
I am so glad you have found comfort through your faith. Looks like you might have a member of the children's choir on your hands!
Tina,
I loved this. My faith has been a very important part of my hearing loss journey, too. Each one of us is different for a special purpose and only God knows the future. :) But I will tell you this....He has opened a door for you that NO ONE can shut.....(this is Revelations 3:8)
Thank you for sharing this!
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